About 11 years ago, I had just returned from a sabbatical. I was pretty broken and pretty beat up. I had lost my ability to trust in the "powers that be" and their desire to care for me and help me succeed to be the best I could be.
Don't get me wrong. I love the Church and I love the priesthood of Jesus Christ of which I am humbly privileged to be His servant, and that of His people, as a priest. But I think I idealized the hierarchy of the Church and somehow thought that I was a part of a brotherhood where everyone cared for each other, worked and prayed together and that those in authority were there to teach, praise and guide.
For the most part, there are individuals who are incredible! They are constantly giving of themselves. These are often the guys in the trenches who are striving to make a difference. The ones who are being faithful, because they want to be faithful. These are the priests who don't care about doing anything more than serving their people. These are the non-recognized heros who never seem to get the recognition they deserve...but then again they're not out out for it either. (However, a phone call, an email, an occasional "good job, Father," would mean everything to them).
In truth, I think that there are some who are just "climbers." Like most corporations, these are the individuals who would step over their own mother to get to the top and they seek to destroy everyone in their path by lying, snitching and keeping the focus off themselves. (You see if everyone is focused on "that guy over there" they pretty much miss the corruption going on right under their noses.)
I have been blessed in so many ways. God has given me gifts I probably haven't even tapped into yet. (Unfortunately the "otherwise blessed" can get pretty jealous and immediately think you're trying to steal their spotlight just by your desire to use your gifts in service of God and His Church).
So anyway...I was pretty beat up and pretty beat down. But as usual, God had a plan. I went to spend the next five years in a parish community who were recovering from some incredible brokenness themselves (the Columbine tragedy) and became, whether they knew it or not, healers for the broken.
I began to work with the youth team of the parish and got involved in the lives of the teens. I wasn't really sure I was "relevant" enough for the teens and believed I might just be best as an observer in the background.
That Summer I was invited to go to Steubenville of the Rockies with our teens. Unsuspectingly I was given a small group to attend to. Little did I know God was doing something amazing, both in me and in the lives of our teens.
Days after the event, I got a visit from one of the teens. He was bouncing off the walls with excitement. He was certain he was being called to the priesthood. His life, through that weekend had been dramatically changed.
At first I thought it was just the usual "retreat high" that is so much a part of these high energy events. But I was wrong. In this case, right before my eyes, God was preparing the soil for the vocational seed that was about to be nourished and nurtured in this young man. And who knew I, the broken priest, would be the vessel God would use to make this happen.
In truth, I was just being faithful. I was probably at the most vulnerable place in my life. And even though there may have been intentions of evil and mischief by others, God was transforming it as a chance to reach into the heart of a wayward son and bring him, not only back, but use him as well, as one to evangelize, bless and heal others as His priest.
Tomorrow, I will have the humble privilege to "vest" that young man as he stands before the altar of God in our Cathedral to give his life completely to the Lord in service of God and His Church as a priest. (PRAISE GOD).
Now I am certain there are those who think he will be the next messiah, (pretty typical for those who are blinded by fame and fortune and get caught up in the whole craziness of knowing someone who gets ordained) but he is simply a servant of God. He is a slave of the Master and an imitator of the One who leads us to holiness and freedom. It is my prayer that he be one of the good guys who wants to make a difference and who one day will know the awesome joy of placing that stole and chasuble on that young man who had this amazing conversion experience. It is my prayer that his brokenness and sacrifice for the Lord be used to heal another so that they too can say "yes Lord."
Thank you Lord, for using my brokenness to bring transformation to another and healing to me. I know in You Lord, I make a difference.
No comments:
Post a Comment