In my last posting, I began to reflect on the role of the parent in the life of their children. Certainly, not being the typical parent as the world sees a parent, one might assume I know little about parenting; and they are probably right. However, after almost twenty-four years of serving as a parish priest, I think I have a wealth of experience regarding parenting issues from a unique perspective – the outsider.
It’s always easy for the outside to look into a particular situation and say, “Well if I were you, this is what I would do,” and then give advise. But as an outsider, I have had the unique opportunity to know what works and what doesn’t when it comes to children and teenagers and matters of faith and morals.
I think that most parents have gotten pretty good at forming their children as dancers, athletes, musicians, and every other kind of extra- curricular activity available to our young people. Parents let their children and teens join every group, activity and sporting event they want to try. They will pay a fortune for them to participate in these things, bring them to every practice, rehearsal and meeting, and everyone’s schedule in the family is changed, altered or dismissed over and above these events. It’s really quite amazing the kind of sacrifice that is made for the sake of our children and teens.
For me, that brings to mind the question, “What about the spiritual formation of our children and teens?” Why does the sacrifice and the disruption of our schedules and the financial burden stop when it comes to forming our children in the ways of the faith and giving them a good moral background? It seems to me that they would be far less moody, picky, uncharitable, needy, and dare I say, narcissistic, if their faith formation were their highest priority.
Being a parent is a vocation. It is a particular calling which carries with it some very significant responsibilities. First and foremost is the ability to care for the wellbeing of our children. It is the responsibility of the parent to provide their children with food, shelter, clothing, education, discipline and yes, a good sound foundation in which to live in the world. Does not the relationship with God, as people of faith, provide the most solid of foundations in which to structure and build our life?
If we look at sacred scripture, there are numerous passages that point to parenting children. For me, there is none more significant than from the Book of Deuteronomy. In Deuteronomy 6:5-9 we read:
"Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone! Therefore, you shall love the LORD, your God, with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. Take to heart these words which I enjoin on you today. Drill them into your children. Speak of them at home and abroad, whether you are busy or at rest. Bind them at your wrist as a sign and let them be as a pendant on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your houses and on your gates.”
This is the very command of God, in His own words, for parents to teach their children about Him. This is the role of the parent. It is not a role that should be taken lightly nor is it one to be abdicated to another.
In the Rite of Baptism, the Church says to each parent, “You are accepting the role of training your children in the ways of the faith. You will be the first teachers of your children in the ways of the faith. May you be the best of teachers by what you say and do in Christ Jesus Our Lord.” Though many parents hear these words, I don’t think they understand fully the role they are undertaking.
Parents need to take their own spiritual life more seriously in order to form their children in the ways of the faith. Yes. You should “make” your children go to Mass, but you must go with them. Yes. You have to go every week. But would it not be better to see it as a privilege rather than an obligation? Would it not be better to take time before going to Mass and preparing the family for this momentous event in the life of each individual who will be receiving the precious Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ? Wouldn’t it be worthwhile to perhaps read the readings for the Sunday together as a family in preparation of the Mass? Doesn’t it make sense to make sure everyone has their individual and collective offering ready and that they understand why it’s important to sacrifice from our blessings in order to bless others?
These are the kind of simple lessons we can teach our children and teenagers. These are the lessons that are faithful to the command of God in the Book of Deuteronomy. The old adage, “The family that prays together, stays together,” is more significant and truer than you will ever know.
Make the Eucharist a priority for the whole family. Let it be the most important event of your week. Receive this great gift. Take the flesh and the blood of Jesus into your being and allow the Lord to transform you from the inside out. For what greater help could a parent ask? For what better support could a family be given?
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